Very often I wonder if I am doing good things; useful activities that I can be proud of.
I find it very difficult to objectively evaluate my life and what fills my days, especially the results I achieve.
I am often torn between pride in having achieved something positive and self-criticism that pushes me to do better.
For many years I have spent almost all my time being self-critical, and very little time being proud (especially showing pride).
I recognise that I am someone who is rarely moved by the results I achieve, and I think the reason for this is that long before I achieved that result I concentrated on achieving it, and the knowledge of my ability to do so makes me less sensitive to the emotion I feel at the end of the journey.
For me, getting to the end of one path (including graduating from university) is only the beginning of the next path.
Unlike many people who are only focused on getting a result, and “sprint” to get there and then stop, I am a seeker of experience, who focuses on the path rather than the goal.
I have some advice for those who find themselves in a situation like mine.
If the excitement of achievement is not as strong as you see it in your friends and colleagues, focus on finding pleasure day after day in seeing what you build.
The surge of pride and satisfaction at the end of great work is limited and fleeting, whereas building a path and finding pride in seeing that day after day there is always one more satisfying step in the long run.
I think for example of my Master’s degree, which exam after exam led me to my degree. I never think of graduation day, but of the months and months of studying with friends at university.
Or when in 2020, during the pandemic, I rediscovered reading. I never think about the number of books I have read, but I concentrate on seeing the bookcase slowly filling up from nowhere.
And thinking about now, about my PhD at King’s College, I don’t think about getting the degree or complete a project; I focus right now on the path I’m on, building beautiful memories of the time I spend here.
I plan my choices based on the beautiful path I want to take and not on the outcome I want to achieve.
The result is only a demonstration of the journey. That is the most important thing!
In fact, it was at this point in my life that I decided to start this blog and share my story.
Not because it will bring me great results, but because it is full of good things.